Category Archives: Humour

New Year’s Eve – A fantastic day

New Year’s Eve … The day before the beginning of the coming year. Hopes, laughter, joy, good food, some vomiting, promises given (some kept, but most ignored or forgotten), stars and fireworks, headaches and migraine – perhaps even missing a few limbs, lifelong memories (some lost in inexplicable blackouts due to “bad food”), spending time with friends and relatives or waking up tomorrow next to a total stranger, beautiful snowy landscape or blistering cold slush inside your newly bought high-heeled shoes which you just had to wear to the party and had to walk home in, since someone “borrowed” your jacket, wallet and mobile phone, traditions, the Countess and the Servant (probably the best “procedure of every year”), a midnight movie one can fall asleep to, waking up at 3:47 by people screaming outside your window about utter nonsense – not even listening to themselves, let alone to the recipient of their BS who of course has the ultimate response, which doesn’t make sense to either of them, the reason for their argument forgotten by morning and ignored for the rest of the year, or staying awake the whole night “running around with your friends”, having arguments with them in the street about things you’re not entirely sure you remember to be your own opinions or why you’re even talking about it, but you at least know that the other person is wrong!

In the end one wakes up (sometime before the 2:nd January) and realises that it’s a holiday, no work, no school. Even if it happens to be the first day of the rest of your life, you really don’t have to do anything just today (you may have to clean up the mess you made around or on you or communicate to your family where you are, but basically it’s a non-eventful day). Else, you could start this new year in a way that sets the mark of a fresh beginning, making sure it will constantly improve and make you proud of yourself next New Year’s Eve, when you stop to think back on what you accomplished in 2010.

It’s your choice. You always have a choice in everything you do. You decide. Actually, you could start today.

Happy New Year everyone. Be the best you can be!

Ccrreot slleipng is oeteavrrd

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
fi yuo cna raed tihs, srahe it wtih yuor fendirs.

“If the facts do not fit the theory then change the facts!” – Einstein

There’s a great joke about Einstein of when he was a teacher, referring to that quote.
His “secretary” was horrified when she was asked to print out last year’s physics test to this year’s exam. When she confronted him, saying “You can’t give a test with the same questions as last year!”, Einstein looked at her and smiled. “Not to worry”, he said, “I’ve changed the answers!”

The end of civilisation

“Everything that’s already in the world when you’re born is just normal. Anything that gets invented between then and before you turn thirty is incredibly exciting and creative and with any luck you can make a career out of it. Anything that gets invented after you’re thirty is against the natural order of things and the beginning of the end of civilisation as we know it, until it’s been around for about ten years, when it gradually turns out to be alright, really.”

– Douglas Adams

Know your limits

A guy has a son that was born deformed, with no torso, arms or legs.
He still loves his son and treats him as normally as he can. On the boy’s 18th birthday, he takes his son to a pub to celebrate. He places his son on the bar and tells the barkeep: “TWO PINTS! ONE FOR ME AND ONE FOR MY SON!”

He tells his boy “Happy birthday” and holds the glass up to his boy’s mouth so he can have a drink…. BAM! a torso pops out from the son’s head! “OH, thank the heavens, my son has a BODY!” says dad.

Then he quickly tells the barkeep to bring another pint… He holds it up to his son’s lips, and pours. BAM! legs pop out!
“HALLELUJAH!” yells dad.

“GIMME ANOTHER PINT!” he shouts to the barkeep.

BAM! this time ARMS pop out, and the son appears to be perfectly normal!

Dad starts crying and hugs his son. Then he tells the barkeep, “barkeep, a pint, please for me and my son to celebrate this miraculous event”

The dad and son down the pints, and suddenly….
BAM! the son explodes, and nothing is left :-O

The barkeep walks up to the dad, and says:

“The moral of this story is that people should …

… quit while they’re a head.